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Hindi 18+ Adult Jokes, SMS, Massage, Funny Sexy Jokes

Hindi 18+ Adult Jokes, SMS, Massage, Funny Sexy Jokes

girl to boy-Love kaise karte hain,

boy-pahle 'L' ko khada karte hain,
phir 'O' ko dabate hai,
phir 'V' mai dalte hain,
phir jab 'E' awaaz aaye to samjho Love ho gaya...............

Girl:"Kya Tum Mere Ashiq Ho..
.
.
Boy:"Haa
.

.
Girl:"To Phir Muje chand, taare, duniya ki saari daulat-khushiya * do..
.
.
.
Boy:"Tera Ashiq Hu Rajnikant Ka Beta nai.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ladkiyo ko Apna DIL na dena. DIL k Jazbat ye kya Janegi???
.
.
.
Bina Bra k apne ball To sambhal nai
sakti Humara DIL kya Ghanta Sambhalegi.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Penis
went to court aur fariyaad ki :- Judge saahab,main chhota tha tab khush tha.Thoda bada vhua to masal masal ke meri haalat kharaab kar di gayi aur jab main jawaan hua to mujhe
roz andhe kuwe mein daala jaata hai jahan garmi ki
wajah se mera dum ghut-ta hai aur mujhe roz ultiyan aati hai.
Aur mujhe behoshi ki haalat
mein bahar nikala jata hai.Aakhir mera kasoor kya hai?
Judge :- kamine tera kasoor ye hai ki tu akadta bahut hai-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maths Teacher -

Dinesh tere pas 6 Lollipop hai..

2 Neha ne chus liy,
3 Pooja ne,
1 Priya ne..

Toh tere pas kitne bacha..

Dinesh: "Lawda bacha! Wo AAP chooslo....

ː̗=))ː̖. \ / ː̗=Dː̖/ =))Ħªª
/\ /<3__, =))Ħªª
_||_ _/ \_ _| =))Ħªª
---------------------------------------

Dudhwala Continuously Ringing Door Bell.
Lady from Inside:
Bhaiya kitna Dabaoge,Ab bas bhi karo
Tumse accha To Paperwala hai,
Chupchap Neeche se Daal Deta hai......

************************

DHABE Pe PATI Ne 1 BANANA SHAKE & PATNI Ne 2 mosambi juice Piye.
Counter Pe Payment K Time WAITER Ne AAWAZ Di-BHAIYA Ka 1 KELA Aur BHABHI Ka 2 Mosambi Kaat lena.
--------------------------------------------------------------


Maha 18+ bacho door ho jaao...

Why dis Chodaveri Chodaveri Chodaveri di..
"Gf in Room Room,
Wearing Bra white,

Nipple color light light,
Mine Lund Tight"
Why dis Chodaveri Chodaveri di..
"Hand la Bra,
Bra da Boobs,
Boobs full of milk.
Wetty choot,
Lund cum,
Sex like silk.
Boobb Boobb
Sexy Boobs,i want2 suck now..
Choot Choot
Wetty Choot,i want fuck now"
"Guys m fucking now,she'sscreaming.....read full at.
-----------------------------------------------------
Sex Ke Waqt Mard ki taqat Ka Andaza Hilte Hue 'HIPS' se Nahin,

Balki LADKI Ke Uchhalte hue "B0OBS" se hota hai.

Aur

Sex ki Shiddat ka andaza Mard ke ''ZOR'' se nahin,

Ladki ke ''SHOR'' se
hota hai.

From:
Sunny Leone ki kitab :
RANGEEN RATON KI SANGEEN YAADEIN
Chapter: 07
Topic:Toofani Jhatke.

--------------------------------------------------------

Boy-Kitni kaali ho?
Girl-To tumhare baap ka kya jata hai?
Boy-Mere baap ka agar gaya hota to kaali nhin paida hoti."

----------------------------------------------------

Khatarnaak gaaliya :

1 : Bhenchod lund fek ke marunga tera sara khandan chud jayega bhosdi ke

2 : Teri bahan ke moot me puncher dhoondu sale

3 : puchta hai mummy log mujhe chutia chutia kyo kahte hai, iski maa boli beta teri shakal hi aisi hai

4 : Sale lund jaise muh wale

5 : shakal dekho iski, aisa lagta hai porn movie me lund choosne wala

6: Tu sale paida hua tha ya hagte time bahar nikal aaya.

7: shakal dekho sale ki, jaise barish ke gobar pe se tractor gujar gaya ho

8 : sale shakti kapoor tere ghar aaya tha ya teri maa uske ghar gai thi.

9 : Yaar tera muh hai ya gaand, jab dekho goo hi nikalta haiX_X =D =))

------------------------------------------------------------

Call girl ne Arz kiya.
" Dheere- Dheere karo Sanam, Mandi ka Zamana he, Is Chhoti Si JAGAH Se, Zindgi Bhar Kamana hai...
,,, (",))
(';')__//\\
_/_/<<))-((

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pehli Baar chudai Karane K Baad Ladki LUND ko choom k Boli:
Aaj Mujhe Satya Ka Gyan Ho Gaya,
'COKE' 'PEPSI'
Sab Bakwas
"MARD Ki LASSI"
Hi Bujhaye Asli Pyaas.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Suhagrat me puri koshish k bawjud Lund ghusa nahi
SARDAR:Tuje pehle kisine nahi KIYA?
SARDARNI:Teri Bhn ki chut,
bhosdike Jisne b KIYA
Meri chaddi utaar k KIYA.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sex k dauran amir Girl apne Garib premi se: Tumhra itna bada kaise? Premi emotional hote hue: Garibi k karan bachpan me mere pas aur koi khilona nhi tha....

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Railway Station Warning Board:
.
.
.
.
. .
.
.
.
.
Rail Ki Patri Par Baith Kar Poop Na Karein. Aap Roz Haath Se Picchwada
Dhote Hain,
Kisi Din Picchwade Se Haath
Dho
Baithenge"
. Hahahahaa lolz0 :-D :-D Janhit me Jari..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Beta On Phone:Maa Gud News Hai.
Maa:Kya Hua ?
Beta:Hum 2 Se 3 Ho Gaye.
Maa:Ladka Hua Ya Ladki. ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Beta:Aapki Bahu ne Dusri Shadi
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa ne Padosan se Jhagda karte-karte, uski Panty me Ungli Daal di.

Padosan: Teri ye Himmat?

Santa: Tune hi to kaha tha Niche Ungli kar k Baat kar
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For all fuckd up aashiqss.......Arz kiya hai: Jis din un se dil laga bethe, Tanhai me sukun ki maa chuda bethe, Wo to so gyi bhenchod kisi or k bistarpe or hum apni hi jhato me aag laga bethe ! Pyar karna hai to nirma powder waali se karo.. Pyar karna hai to nirma powder waali se karo.. Kyu ki wo kehti hai Pehle istemal karo phir vishwash karo ! True luv is when a Boy asks d girl 4 a kiss & Girl simply closes her eyes & allows d boy to kiss on her lips, But d boy kisses on d forehead & says I hv a whole life 2 Do dat.. Bhai log, Yeh sab Chutiyapa hai. Jidhar bhi mauka mile mission poora kardena. Just remember 'The 1 who hesitates..... Later masturbates'.....issued in public interest Kisi buzurg MaDaRcHoD ne sahi kaha hai Ladki ko Lavde pe bithao to tumse dil laga legi Aur agar Ladki ko dil me bithao to woh tumhare Lavde laga degi.. Waqt kehta hai mujhe gawa mat, Dil kehta hai mujhe laga mat, Pyar kehta hai mujhe aazma mat, Aur aaj-kal ki girlfriend kehti hai, Daal Chutiye ghabra mat

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hindi Sexy Funny Comedy Adult Jokes SMS Massages

Hindi Sexy Funny Comedy Jokes SMS Massages

REDLIGHT area me raid padi.

Police ne sabhi callgirls ko line me khada kiya.

Wahan se gujar rahi Budhiya ne ek girl se puchha: kya hua??

Callgirl ne kaha: Amma, Aam bat rahe hai!!

Budhiya bhi line me lag gai.

Jab Budhi ki bari ayi to Policeman ne kaha-Amma!Aap bhi??

Amma boli-
"bujurg hu to kya??
Chooos to sakti hoon!!..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lady Doctor Se Bolti Hai:
Dr Saab, Koi Aisi Dawayi Dijiye, Jisse Mere Pati Ka Lund Pathar Se Jyada Sakht Ho Jaye

Dr Ne Ek Gehra Saans Liya Aur Kuch Soch Ke Bola:
Aapko Sirf Chudwana Hai, Ya Masala Bhi Piswana Hai.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lady on phone: Hello! Police station? A man has entered my house & he is raping me right nnoowww. Can yoouu aahh Mhaa Woww ummm ohh yeahh hmm yess yeeaahh harder hmm yeahh arresst him tomorrohh.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2 men are in a doc's office to get a vasectomy (nasbandhi). Nurse asks both men to strip. She begins to masturbate 1st man.

Man1: Why are you doing that?
Nurse: I have to vacate all the sperm in your system to have a clean procedure.
Then she drops to her knees & starts giving 2nd man oral sex and has sex with him.
Man1: Why is it that I get masturbated & he gets a blow job and sex?
Nurse: That sir, is the difference between Mediclaim and Cash payment
---------------------------------------

Kaviyatri ki suhag raat ke baad uski saheli ne pucha-Kaisi rahi suhagraat?
Woh boli-
"Aaye the wo der se,
Dil jala diya,
Pehle kiye Darwaza band,
Fir deepak bhuja diya.
Pehle dabane lage
boob tatolkar,
Fir khelne lage
chaddi khol kar.
Ek jung aisi chidi palang par,
Gole wali toph rakh di surang par,
Mila sirf 9 minute ka maja,
Ab bhogni hai 9 mahine ki saja,
9 mahine baad aisa hoga vispot,
Jo ban jayega Bharat ke liye
1 aur vote...
--------------------------------------------------------------


Morning wala Khatarnaak Joke!

kamjor dil wale na padhe..
.
.
.
.
.
My Friend :" Kal meri girlfriend ka birthday hai,
uske haath mein kya gift du ??
.
.
.
Sam:" Apna de de..
.
.
My Friend :" Mazaak mat kar, koi badi cheez
bata!
.
.
.
.
Sam:" Toh mera de de
-----------------------------------------------------
Santa’s Girlfriend Told Him To Bring The Protection,

Next Time They Go for sex,

Santa Brought, 3 Brothers And 5 Cousins With Hockey Sticks!

--------------------------------------------------------

Mangta hun to deti nahi ho,
Jawaab meri baat ka..!!
.
Aur deti ho to khada ho jata hai,
Rom-Rom jazbat ka..

.
Muuh me lena tumhe pasand
nahi, Ek bhi qatra sharab ka..
.
Phir Kyu bolti ho ke dheere se
daalo, Balon mein phool gulab ka ??
.
Woh Soti rahi mein karta raha,
Intezaar uske jawab ka..
.
Abhi uske haath me rakha hi tha
ke usne pakad liya, Guldasta Gulab ka..
.
Usne kaha pichhe se nahi aage se
karo,
Deedar Mere husn-e-shabbab
ka..
.
Usne kaha bada maza aata hai
jab andar jata hai..
Kano Mein Ek Ek lafz Tere pyar
ka..!! :

----------------------------------------------------

A Man Is Sitting Next To A Woman Who’s
Trying To Breast-Feed Her Baby In A Bus.
The Baby Refuses To Suckle the Breast &
The Mother Warns: “If YouDon’t Suck, I
Shall Give It To The Uncle Next To Me”.
The Baby Still Refuses.
After About 20 Minutes, The Woman
Repeats The ‘Threat‘.
The Man Clears His Throat& Says: “Look,
Madam, You Better Make Up Your Mind . I Was Suppose To Get Off Six Bus-Stops Ago“
------------------------------------------------------------

A Young High School Girl Wearing Skirt Is Walking Past A Construction Site When One Of The Builders Yells Out.

“Hey Gorgeous! Why Don’t You Come Over Here And Sit On My Face”

Without Even Blinking An Eye, She Yells Back

“Why Sweetheart, Is Your Nose Bigger Than Your Cock!“

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sonia asked Vajpayee: "Tum hamesha tension mein kyun rehte ho?"
.
.
.
.
.
.

Vajpayee: "Main sochta rehta hun, tum bina lund ke hindustan ki maa kaise chod rahi ho.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friendship Adult Version:

Friendship is not About
'I'm sorry'
Its About
'LUND SE'

Its not about
'Where are you?'
Its about
'KAHA GAND MARA RAHA HAI'

Its not about
'No'
Its about
'GHANTA'

Its not about
'TOO SMALL'
Its about
'JHAANT BARABAR'

Its not about
'TOO BIG'
Its about
'GAND PHAADU!'

Its not about
'DIFFICULTY'!
Its about
'GAND FAT GAI'

And

Its not about
'WE WILL ROCK!'
Its about
'MAA CHOD DENGE'
Spread to all your loving Lodu'

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa Banta ne 1-1 ghoda kharida.. Dono ne "SOCHA"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
(abi joke khtam nhi hua)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
ghode mix na ho jaye,
isliye nishani k liye santa ne apne ghode ki punch kat di..
Unke mohalle k bachhe bade shararti the..
Unhone Bnta k ghode ki b punch kat di..
.
.
santa ne hors ka 1 kan kat diya,
kids ne 2nd hors ka bhi kan katdiya..
.
.
santa ne 2nd kan kat diya, kidsne bhi 2nd kan kat diya..
.
.
Santa ne apne horse ki 1 tang kat di,
kids ne banta k horse ki 1 tang kat di..
.
.
sante ne 1 ankh fod di, bachcho ne banta k horse ki b 1
ankh fod di..
.
.
santa ne dusri ankh fodi to kidsne b dusri ankh fod di..
.
.
Preshan ho k santa ne apne ghode k sare daant ukhad
diye..
Mohalle k bachcho ne banta k ghode k b sare daant
ukhad diye..
.
.
End me santa Banta ne mil k DIMAAG LAGAYA…
(joke abi baaki hai mere dost)
.
.
.
.
&
finally decide kiya k
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
KAALA GHODA SANTA KA
&
SAFED BANTA KA

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sadhu: apne se badi ko maa, choti ko beti, barabar wali ko behen mano

Bhakt: baba aisa karo ye LUND tum hi rakh lo, aapko jadi buti kutne ke kaam aayega.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aaj Uska Dil Phir 'DUKHA' Diya Humne,</3

Apne Pyar Ka Karz 'CHUKA' Diya Humne.:'(

Dekr Lalach Use 'ICE-CREAM' Ka,; 

Andhere Me Apna "LUND" chusa Diya Humne..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3Girls shadi k bad mili
1 girl:Mere wo to fnger bhi dalte hai
2 girl:Mere wo to pora hath hi dal dete hai.
3 girl:Apni taangain phela karboli,
Zara bahar ana. :p
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ladki General Store Pe Jaati Hai Aur Bolti Hai
Ladki: “Ek Sasti Si Brazier Dena“
Dukandar: “Ye 100 Ki Hai“
Ladki: “Or Sasti Dikhao“
Dukandar: “Ye 60 Ki Hai“
Ladki: “Or Sasti“
Dukandar: “Lo 40 Ki Dekh Lo“
Ladki: “Arey Aur Sasti Dikhao“
Dukandar: “Oye Chotu, Madam Ko 2 Ice Cream Ke Khali Cup Aur Ek Dhaga De De“
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

REDLIGHT area me raid padi.

Police ne sabhi callgirls ko line me khada kiya.

Wahan se gujar rahi Budhiya ne ek girl se puchha: kya hua??

Callgirl ne kaha: Amma, Aam bat rahe hai!!

Budhiya bhi line me lag gai.

Jab Budhi ki bari ayi to Policeman ne kaha-Amma!Aap bhi??

Amma boli-
"bujurg hu to kya??
Chooos to sakti hoon!!..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lady Doctor Se Bolti Hai:
Dr Saab, Koi Aisi Dawayi Dijiye, Jisse Mere Pati Ka Lund Pathar Se Jyada Sakht Ho Jaye

Dr Ne Ek Gehra Saans Liya Aur Kuch Soch Ke Bola:
Aapko Sirf Chudwana Hai, Ya Masala Bhi Piswana Hai.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lady on phone: Hello! Police station? A man has entered my house & he is raping me right nnoowww. Can yoouu aahh Mhaa Woww ummm ohh yeahh hmm yess yeeaahh harder hmm yeahh arresst him tomorrohh.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2 men are in a doc's office to get a vasectomy (nasbandhi). Nurse asks both men to strip. She begins to masturbate 1st man.

Man1: Why are you doing that?
Nurse: I have to vacate all the sperm in your system to have a clean procedure.
Then she drops to her knees & starts giving 2nd man oral sex and has sex with him.
Man1: Why is it that I get masturbated & he gets a blow job and sex?
Nurse: That sir, is the difference between Mediclaim and Cash payment
---------------------------------------

Kaviyatri ki suhag raat ke baad uski saheli ne pucha-Kaisi rahi suhagraat?
Woh boli-
"Aaye the wo der se,
Dil jala diya,
Pehle kiye Darwaza band,
Fir deepak bhuja diya.
Pehle dabane lage
boob tatolkar,
Fir khelne lage
chaddi khol kar.
Ek jung aisi chidi palang par,
Gole wali toph rakh di surang par,
Mila sirf 9 minute ka maja,
Ab bhogni hai 9 mahine ki saja,
9 mahine baad aisa hoga vispot,
Jo ban jayega Bharat ke liye
1 aur vote...
--------------------------------------------------------------


Morning wala Khatarnaak Joke!

kamjor dil wale na padhe..
.
.
.
.
.
My Friend :" Kal meri girlfriend ka birthday hai,
uske haath mein kya gift du ??
.
.
.
Sam:" Apna de de..
.
.
My Friend :" Mazaak mat kar, koi badi cheez
bata!
.
.
.
.
Sam:" Toh mera de de
-----------------------------------------------------
Santa’s Girlfriend Told Him To Bring The Protection,

Next Time They Go for sex,

Santa Brought, 3 Brothers And 5 Cousins With Hockey Sticks!

--------------------------------------------------------

Mangta hun to deti nahi ho,
Jawaab meri baat ka..!!
.
Aur deti ho to khada ho jata hai,
Rom-Rom jazbat ka..

.
Muuh me lena tumhe pasand
nahi, Ek bhi qatra sharab ka..
.
Phir Kyu bolti ho ke dheere se
daalo, Balon mein phool gulab ka ??
.
Woh Soti rahi mein karta raha,
Intezaar uske jawab ka..
.
Abhi uske haath me rakha hi tha
ke usne pakad liya, Guldasta Gulab ka..
.
Usne kaha pichhe se nahi aage se
karo,
Deedar Mere husn-e-shabbab
ka..
.
Usne kaha bada maza aata hai
jab andar jata hai..
Kano Mein Ek Ek lafz Tere pyar
ka..!! :

----------------------------------------------------

A Man Is Sitting Next To A Woman Who’s
Trying To Breast-Feed Her Baby In A Bus.
The Baby Refuses To Suckle the Breast &
The Mother Warns: “If YouDon’t Suck, I
Shall Give It To The Uncle Next To Me”.
The Baby Still Refuses.
After About 20 Minutes, The Woman
Repeats The ‘Threat‘.
The Man Clears His Throat& Says: “Look,
Madam, You Better Make Up Your Mind . I Was Suppose To Get Off Six Bus-Stops Ago“
------------------------------------------------------------

A Young High School Girl Wearing Skirt Is Walking Past A Construction Site When One Of The Builders Yells Out.

“Hey Gorgeous! Why Don’t You Come Over Here And Sit On My Face”

Without Even Blinking An Eye, She Yells Back

“Why Sweetheart, Is Your Nose Bigger Than Your Cock!“

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sonia asked Vajpayee: "Tum hamesha tension mein kyun rehte ho?"
.
.
.
.
.
.

Vajpayee: "Main sochta rehta hun, tum bina lund ke hindustan ki maa kaise chod rahi ho.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friendship Adult Version:

Friendship is not About
'I'm sorry'
Its About
'LUND SE'

Its not about
'Where are you?'
Its about
'KAHA GAND MARA RAHA HAI'

Its not about
'No'
Its about
'GHANTA'

Its not about
'TOO SMALL'
Its about
'JHAANT BARABAR'

Its not about
'TOO BIG'
Its about
'GAND PHAADU!'

Its not about
'DIFFICULTY'!
Its about
'GAND FAT GAI'

And

Its not about
'WE WILL ROCK!'
Its about
'MAA CHOD DENGE'
Spread to all your loving Lodu'

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa Banta ne 1-1 ghoda kharida.. Dono ne "SOCHA"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
(abi joke khtam nhi hua)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
ghode mix na ho jaye,
isliye nishani k liye santa ne apne ghode ki punch kat di..
Unke mohalle k bachhe bade shararti the..
Unhone Bnta k ghode ki b punch kat di..
.
.
santa ne hors ka 1 kan kat diya,
kids ne 2nd hors ka bhi kan katdiya..
.
.
santa ne 2nd kan kat diya, kidsne bhi 2nd kan kat diya..
.
.
Santa ne apne horse ki 1 tang kat di,
kids ne banta k horse ki 1 tang kat di..
.
.
sante ne 1 ankh fod di, bachcho ne banta k horse ki b 1
ankh fod di..
.
.
santa ne dusri ankh fodi to kidsne b dusri ankh fod di..
.
.
Preshan ho k santa ne apne ghode k sare daant ukhad
diye..
Mohalle k bachcho ne banta k ghode k b sare daant
ukhad diye..
.
.
End me santa Banta ne mil k DIMAAG LAGAYA…
(joke abi baaki hai mere dost)
.
.
.
.
&
finally decide kiya k
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
KAALA GHODA SANTA KA
&
SAFED BANTA KA

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sadhu: apne se badi ko maa, choti ko beti, barabar wali ko behen mano

Bhakt: baba aisa karo ye LUND tum hi rakh lo, aapko jadi buti kutne ke kaam aayega.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aaj Uska Dil Phir 'DUKHA' Diya Humne,</3

Apne Pyar Ka Karz 'CHUKA' Diya Humne.:'(

Dekr Lalach Use 'ICE-CREAM' Ka,; 

Andhere Me Apna "LUND" chusa Diya Humne..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3Girls shadi k bad mili
1 girl:Mere wo to fnger bhi dalte hai
2 girl:Mere wo to pora hath hi dal dete hai.
3 girl:Apni taangain phela karboli,
Zara bahar ana. :p
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ladki General Store Pe Jaati Hai Aur Bolti Hai
Ladki: “Ek Sasti Si Brazier Dena“
Dukandar: “Ye 100 Ki Hai“
Ladki: “Or Sasti Dikhao“
Dukandar: “Ye 60 Ki Hai“
Ladki: “Or Sasti“
Dukandar: “Lo 40 Ki Dekh Lo“
Ladki: “Arey Aur Sasti Dikhao“
Dukandar: “Oye Chotu, Madam Ko 2 Ice Cream Ke Khali Cup Aur Ek Dhaga De De“

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------